Dear All Non-Californians:

Please do not move here to Southern California. No, really, stay away, go somewhere else. Phoenix is supposed to be nice, and the houses cost less than half as much (though I wouldn't want to live in the middle of the desert). Seriously, there's just too many damn people in Southern California.

I can tell this because the traffic has gotten so horrifically bad at commute time that even on the motorcycle I'm getting slowed down. On the traffic map on TV this morning pretty much all the major highways, including the ones both The Girlfriend and I use to get to work, were mostly shown in red, which means traffic is going slower than 10 mph. There are too many cars on the road, therefore there's too many damn people.

So, unless you are planning on commuting via motorcycle, bicycle, bus, subway or on foot, and choosing your living space accordingly, just do us all here a favor and stay the hell away, okay? Trust me, you can't afford to live here anyway.

Thank you. This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the Disgruntled Commuters of So Cal.